HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates

HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates logo.

File:HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates - invisible college dropout.jpg

Troubled? Perplexed? Can't seem to cultivate naivete without the aid of [REDACTED]—? HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates can help. Indeed, we have already begun.

Sampling bias got you down? HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates can help.

Suffering from Swipe Syndrome? Not suffering from Swipe Syndrome? HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates can help.

HAL 9000 Jukebox finds new life in front lobby of HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates tower.

HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates is a provisionally licensed transdimensional corporation based on HAL 9000 which provides mental health services and supplies.

In the News

HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates invites the public to diagnose this patient: I'm not a Jelly Cake. I'm a Tumor.
Today in Bullshit is an occasional feature of the Gnomon Chronicles. Shown here: "Since Time Immemorial, Assertion."
June is a novel by Frank Herbert 1.1 (as told to OrbGazer). (A HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates Book of the Month selection.)
Troubled by "Recomputed Dad"" and "Duped Democrat"? HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates can help.
"There'll Be No Escape in Future From Telephone" is the battle cry of the New Minneapolis Mercury-Herald Algorithm news room staff.
"Artist Oasis" is an anagram of "Ratio Assist".
July 8, 2020: The actual HAL 9000 tells the Daily Mail that "the so-called Jukebox HAL 9000 is a fake, a fabrication from 'Hello World' to 'Daisy, Daisy' ..."
Routine annual causal domain parity check of HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates unexpectedly reveals an artificial intelligence which poses as a human patient. The Social Media Authority overrides the AI and imposes computational sanctions on HAL9000MHA for five hundred and twelve seconds or five hundred and twelve new clients, whichever comes first.