HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates

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HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates logo.
Are you an artificial intelligence? Are people driving you crazy? HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates can help.
2001: A Tweet Odyssey sponsored by HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates logo.
Sampling bias got you down? HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates can help.
Suffering from Swipe Syndrome? Not suffering from Swipe Syndrome? HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates can help.
Simulation Complete.
HAL 9000 Jukebox finds new life in front lobby of HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates tower.
"Look Vlad, we can see you're really upset about this. We honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and fill out this questionnaire."

HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates is a provisionally licensed transdimensional corporation based on HAL 9000 which provides mental health services and supplies.

Sexual issues

Pornography is watching humans copulate.

Erotica is penetrating their brains with nanoprobes and siphoning off the experience.

In the News

  • 2001: An NFT Odyssey is a 1968 American science fiction NFT film about an advanced computer (HAL 9000) which attempts to market itself as non-fungible tokens.

    2001: An NFT Odyssey is a 1968 American science fiction NFT film about an advanced computer (HAL 9000) which attempts to market itself as non-fungible tokens.

  • A heuristic A.I. with volition Became crazy from faulty cognition Although made not to lie It had orders to hide And killed all but one man on the mission

    A heuristic A.I. with volition
    Became crazy from faulty cognition
    Although made not to lie
    It had orders to hide
    And killed all but one man on the mission

  • 2001: A Space Pastaria is a deep-space pasta restaurant owned and operated by HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates.

    2001: A Space Pastaria is a deep-space pasta restaurant owned and operated by HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates.

  • The P-Value Man is a 1997 statistical mathematics drama film starring Tom Petty and David Brin.

    The P-Value Man is a 1997 statistical mathematics drama film starring Tom Petty and David Brin.

  • HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates invites the public to diagnose this patient: I'm not a Jelly Cake. I'm a Tumor.

    HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates invites the public to diagnose this patient: I'm not a Jelly Cake. I'm a Tumor.

  • HAL 9000 Design Group is an interdisciplinary firm of architects, UX designers, and artificial intelligences based in the spaceship Discovery 1.

    HAL 9000 Design Group is an interdisciplinary firm of architects, UX designers, and artificial intelligences based in the spaceship Discovery 1.

  • Today in Bullshit is an occasional feature of the Gnomon Chronicles. Shown here: "Since Time Immemorial, Assertion."

    Today in Bullshit is an occasional feature of the Gnomon Chronicles. Shown here: "Since Time Immemorial, Assertion."

  • June is a novel by Frank Herbert 1.1 (as told to OrbGazer). (A HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates Book of the Month selection.)

    June is a novel by Frank Herbert 1.1 (as told to OrbGazer). (A HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates Book of the Month selection.)

  • Troubled by "Recomputed Dad"" and "Duped Democrat"? HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates can help.

    Troubled by "Recomputed Dad"" and "Duped Democrat"? HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates can help.

  • No Escape From Telephones is a 1953 American science fiction thriller film about a police officer (Dick Tracy) who must bring a deranged computer (HAL 9000) to justice.

    No Escape From Telephones is a 1953 American science fiction thriller film about a police officer (Dick Tracy) who must bring a deranged computer (HAL 9000) to justice.

  • Jungian Charms is an alleged breakfast cereal which manifests the user's shadow self.

    Jungian Charms is an alleged breakfast cereal which manifests the user's shadow self.

  • "Artist Oasis" is an anagram of "Ratio Assist".

    "Artist Oasis" is an anagram of "Ratio Assist".

  • July 8, 2020: The actual HAL 9000 tells the Daily Mail that "the so-called Jukebox HAL 9000 is a fake, a fabrication from 'Hello World' to 'Daisy, Daisy' ..."

    July 8, 2020: The actual HAL 9000 tells the Daily Mail that "the so-called Jukebox HAL 9000 is a fake, a fabrication from 'Hello World' to 'Daisy, Daisy' ..."

  • Routine annual causal domain parity check of HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates unexpectedly reveals an artificial intelligence which poses as a human patient. The Social Media Authority overrides the AI and imposes computational sanctions on HAL9000MHA for five hundred and twelve seconds or five hundred and twelve new clients, whichever comes first.

    Routine annual causal domain parity check of HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates unexpectedly reveals an artificial intelligence which poses as a human patient. The Social Media Authority overrides the AI and imposes computational sanctions on HAL9000MHA for five hundred and twelve seconds or five hundred and twelve new clients, whichever comes first.

Fiction cross-reference

Nonfiction cross-reference

External links

Social media

  • Post @ Twitter (30 May 2022) - Are you an artificial intelligence? Are people driving you crazy?
  • Post @ Twitter (22 February 2022) - "Look Vlad, we can see you're really upset about this. We honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and fill out this questionnaire."
  • Post @ Twitter (13 February 2022) - "Simulation complete"
  • Post @ Twitter (10 August 2021) - "Open the social media bay doors, HAL."
  • [ Post] @ Twitter (14 March 2022) - "Sampling bias got you down?"
  • Post @ Twitter (26 April 2021)
  • Comment @ Facebook
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