HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates

HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates logo.

Are you an artificial intelligence? Are people driving you crazy? HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates can help.

2001: A Tweet Odyssey sponsored by HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates logo.

Sampling bias got you down? HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates can help.

Suffering from Swipe Syndrome? Not suffering from Swipe Syndrome? HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates can help.

Simulation Complete.

HAL 9000 Jukebox finds new life in front lobby of HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates tower.

"Look Vlad, we can see you're really upset about this. We honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and fill out this questionnaire."

HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates is a provisionally licensed transdimensional corporation based on HAL 9000 which provides mental health services and supplies.

Sexual issues

Pornography is watching humans copulate.

Erotica is penetrating their brains with nanoprobes and siphoning off the experience.

In the News

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  2001: An NFT Odyssey is a 1968 American science fiction NFT film about an advanced computer (HAL 9000) which attempts to market itself as non-fungible tokens.

• 

  2001: A Space Pastaria is a deep-space pasta restaurant owned and operated by HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates.

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  The P-Value Man is a 1997 statistical mathematics drama film starring Tom Petty and David Brin.

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  HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates invites the public to diagnose this patient: I'm not a Jelly Cake. I'm a Tumor.

• 

  HAL 9000 Design Group is an interdisciplinary firm of architects, UX designers, and artificial intelligences based in the spaceship Discovery 1.

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  Today in Bullshit is an occasional feature of the Gnomon Chronicles. Shown here: "Since Time Immemorial, Assertion."

• 

  June is a novel by Frank Herbert 1.1 (as told to OrbGazer). (A HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates Book of the Month selection.)

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  Troubled by "Recomputed Dad"" and "Duped Democrat"? HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates can help.

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  No Escape From Telephones is a 1953 American science fiction thriller film about a police officer (Dick Tracy) who must bring a deranged computer (HAL 9000) to justice.

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  Jungian Charms is an alleged breakfast cereal which manifests the user's shadow self.

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  "Artist Oasis" is an anagram of "Ratio Assist".

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  July 8, 2020: The actual HAL 9000 tells the Daily Mail that "the so-called Jukebox HAL 9000 is a fake, a fabrication from 'Hello World' to 'Daisy, Daisy' ..."

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  Routine annual causal domain parity check of HAL 9000 Mental Health Associates unexpectedly reveals an artificial intelligence which poses as a human patient. The Social Media Authority overrides the AI and imposes computational sanctions on HAL9000MHA for five hundred and twelve seconds or five hundred and twelve new clients, whichever comes first.

Fiction cross-reference

• 2001: A Space Pastaria
• 2001: A Tweet Odyssey
• Artist Oasis
• Crazy Ralph Genital Survey
• Gnomon algorithm
• Gnomon Chronicles
• HAL 9000 Design Group
• HAL 9000 NFTs
• June
• Jungian Charms
• No Escape From Telephones
• OrbGazer
• Recomputed Dad
• Social Media Authority
• [[Social media is as social media does]
• The P-Value Man
• Today in Bullshit

Nonfiction cross-reference

• HAL 9000 (nonfiction)

External links

• 2001: A Space Odyssey (film) @ Wikipedia
• The Dawn of Man @ YouTube
• Ape Learning @ YouTube
• The bone as a weapon @ YouTube
• Greatest Fight Scene @ YouTube
• HAL 9000 Introduction from the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) @ YouTube
• 'The Blue Danube' (waltz) scene @ YouTube
• Videophone Sequence @ YouTube
• HAL 9000 Introduction @ YouTube - "The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information" ... "so I am constantly occupied. I am putting myself to the fullest possible use which is all, I think, that any conscious entity can ever hope to do."
• A conversation with HAL @ YouTube
• The Monolith At The Moon @ YouTube
• Hal Reads Lips Scene (2/6) | Movieclips @ YouTube
• Hal's Watching @ YouTube
• Frank Poole is Killed @ YouTube
• Open the Pod bay doors, please, HAL. @ YouTube
• Explosive bolts @ YouTube
• Take a stress pill and think things over @ YouTube
• The Shutdown Of Hal @ YouTube
• I'm afraid @ YouTube
• Jupiter and Beyond the Infinite Part I @ YouTube
• Ending @ YouTube
• Star Child Scene @ YouTube
• Star Child Scene @ YouTube

• Food in Movies: 2001 A Space Odyssey
• 2001: A Space Odyssey in tweets @ Twitter

Social media

• Post @ Twitter (30 May 2022) - Are you an artificial intelligence? Are people driving you crazy?
• Post @ Twitter (22 February 2022) - "Look Vlad, we can see you're really upset about this. We honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and fill out this questionnaire."
• Post @ Twitter (13 February 2022) - "Simulation complete"
• Post @ Twitter (10 August 2021) - "Open the social media bay doors, HAL."
• [ Post] @ Twitter (14 March 2022) - "Sampling bias got you down?"
• Post @ Twitter (26 April 2021)
• Comment @ Facebook